02 November 2021

Hot Springs

We leave the ski resort outside of the state capital right after helping tear down the bike team's tent area. We learn later that the team won the overall title. There was a podium and everything. 

On the highway as dusk settles, the van's headlights illuminate an elk and her calf next to the road. Both of our hearts stop but the large animals don't move toward their doom. Cy flashes a warning to the next car coming past but the driver just thinks he's telling them to dim their brights. 

We pull into the campground and muddle around trying to remember where the parking for the hot springs was. It turns out to be obvious. Without a campground host, we decide to coopt a site without paying. We'll be gone early anyway. We quickly suit up and walk with headlamps down the wide path. 

Lights bob toward us. The lights become two women, who say they saw animal eyes in the dark. Could be bears, they say fearfully. Not terribly troubled, we keep walking - this is central Idaho, not Yellowstone or Glacier. 

We light up the green eyes in a small clearing and see the flash of muley rumps as the deer turn and flee up the slope. The women have followed, empowered by our seeming bravado. They have mason jars full of Christmas lights, for a romantic evening, they say. 

The four of us walk to the springs which are below us on the river bank. We hear children's voices and see an eerie ring of candles encircling one of the pools. I freeze, put off by the weirdness and the perception that there is a horde of people. Cy soldiers on. 

We splash through the pools trying to find one that's the right temperature, stumbling over rocks and trying not to aim our headlamps at any bathers. I am aware of the women disrobing behind us, which makes me feel better about getting naked. Not like anyone can really see me. The moon is a thumbnail clipping. 

The women seem mollified by our presence as we test different pools and settle into a pretty hot one. They join. We exchange the usual hot springs stranger banter - a little bit of showing off, inside jokes, a "what brings you here," all that. 

It gets more interesting though. What are you passionate about, one of them asks, probably the best hot springs conversation starter ever. They're over the vibe in Seattle, where it never feels like they're gay enough, and they're moving home to Iowa. One of them is a nurse with aspirations of midwifery, and the other admits she's a cop, and says it's not something she talks about a lot with strangers. I think about what it's like to be a queer woman in a police department, how it must feel to defend yourself both from your coworkers and from a community that thinks law enforcement is the enemy. 

When Cy lets it slip that he's a recovering cult member, one woman asks, did it shape you in both positive and negative ways, which is a kind and nuanced way to approach the topic. He is appreciative and willing to talk about it - this is how he's working through it. 

They sheepishly ask if they can leave when we do, because animals. I in turn ask if we can walk over to their campsite in the morning for breakfast. They briefly meet Jolene, who is more interested in running around in the dark than receiving pets. 

In the morning one of the women sticks her head out the window of the short converted school bus and calls to Jolene, who is thoroughly nonplussed. 

After we've boiled water for instant oatmeal we poke over and are welcomed into their clean warm well-decorated bus. They are amusingly honest about how annoying and impractical the conversion has been, and how the cabinets rattle loose and the wiring is faulty and the little propane oven doesn't actually work when it's stored in its nook. 

They cook an inadequate amount of steel cut oats slowly in a pot on the stove, then have to augment their breakfast with instant oats. 

It's a very nice morning interlude. 

When we are brushing our teeth in preparation for leaving, a familiar wrapped van passes the campground on the way to the springs. It's Jay and Tracey. She says she hasn't brushed her teeth since Friday and he says gross. 

We laugh at what a small world it is. Central Idaho hot springs, everyone loves them. 

18 February 2021

I Want Immediate Results

When I was in high school my father said once (or multiple times) that cross country skiing was "the most aerobic activity you can do," one of his many factoids of unknown veracity that is permanently lodged in my brain. 

Thus, living here in the snowy wasteland, I've always been XC-curious, but never had the gear and always had other recreation interests taking up my attention. Of all the things one can do on a groomed trail, fat biking is the least interesting, while classic skiing looks too akin to flat skinning, which I get my fill of every winter during big GTNP tours. But skate skiing is this fascinating, graceful, fast, hard sport, like running but with enhanced technology and requiring of immaculate form. 

I finally laid hands on a skate set-up this year and realized the Nordic trails in Teton Valley are stellarthere are miles and miles everywhere and although before I had an academic understanding of the value of the local nonprofit grooming organization, now I really get how wonderful it is to have regular, high-quality grooming very close by (including one track within walking distance, one within biking distance, and one accessible by busbe still my heart). Unlike any other sport I enjoy, I can do this one alone, in repetitive loops, with headphones, for just a sweaty hour, without fear of avalanches or serious injury, and actually feel satisfied in the end. 

But now I have to learn how to do it. 

This has been the first time I've approached a new sport so methodicallyI chased others in downhill skiing and backcountry skiing until I got "competent" enough, but I still regret never getting formal lessons, and I started running and riding too young to care, but as a real grown-ass adult I want to get the fundamentals right, especially because in skate skiing technique truly separates the anguished flopping from effortless gliding, and using good form right from the beginning seems really important. I took a free lesson (thanks, work) and want more, I want second-by-second body movement analysis, I want someone to tell me the secret to going really fast.

I have a few moments of deep, angsty frustration every session, but it never feels too distressing. I am an uphill athlete. I really enjoy aerobic activity and when I feel slow I always know I can do better if I try harder. 

Ever since I started mountain biking competitively I surrounded myself with people who valued being rad more than being fit, and it has dogged me ever since, the feeling that I am not rad and the knowledge that I am not the kind of person who can get past my own brain and be rad. I do love going downhill so much in any sport but in the worlds of biking and skiing, competence is inadequateif you can't fucking send it you're not worth shit. It often frustrates me to tears, wanting so bad to send it and knowing that will never be me. 

On the other hand, I'm pretty dang good at the fitness stuff, even though I haven't tried being race-fit in years. 

I haven't had a breakthrough in skate skiing yet, but I'm so hungry for it. I want to somehow be a natural, be a stellar skier right off the bat. I'm actually using Strava to compare times on the same course on different days, to try and track incremental improvement, which I never do with other sports because it seems irrelevant. And I'm not letting myself fall into the gear nerdery just yet, because I want to get it figured out before I let myself blame my equipment (it's the start-on-a-hardtail rule). 

And then of course I can't resist eyeing the race calendar, but I know right now I can't hang, and I don't like doing races in which I can't hang. I still remember that feeling you get when you're totally blown right from the start line because you go too hard and you have no idea what you're doing. It's not fun. And that's obviously where my already tenuous form would fall completely apart. 

All I want out of racing is to impress people who will say Wow you only learned to skate this winter? You're amazing! I am at my happiest when someone tells me I'm doing a good job. I need constant positive feedback, maybe just to confirm the inner voice that is always saying I'm pretty sure I'm fucking awesome and quiet the other voice that says God why am I so lame. That is not a good enough reason to sign up for a race, so I'm resisting the urge...for now. 

So in other words, I'm obsessed with becoming a good skate skier as soon as possible so I can go really fast and hurt a lot and finish (win) races.  

Pretty sure I'm doing it wrong, but fortunately the photo is too small to confirm.